Right well the abstract diary is a working process and i have pages and pages to write, but my life has entered a minefield where i appear to be irresistable to men except the one person i have true, pure, natural feelings for; feelings i have never felt before or even thought existed. A friend told me that if its not mutual its not real, but my God it sure feels real. How can he not miss the tension, the chemistry. There is no way i have got this so wrong. If i had the guts i know what i would say:

As every ounce of my soul fights against the the beating of my struggling heart i see you.
As every breath catches in my throat,
As every muddled thought confounds my brain,
As every nerve ending tingles,
As every morsel turns to dust in my mouth,
As every star, of which you know so much, goes out,
I see you, and everything you can be, without me.

Well perhaps not that exactly, might freak him out a little bit. But one bloke i was sleeping with has turned has told me that he thinks he is falling in love with me, an ex has turned around and told me that he still has feelings for me. I man i thought i liked has become nothing compared to the man that consumes my waking hours. How dare he. How dare someone steal my logic, my intellect by messing with my emotional synapses; that is all it is, lust and biology. Its all bollox and i challenge anyone to say differently...right, im going to go cork my wine...i think ive had enough!

QuOtH x